It’s a question I’ve asked myself time and time again even before I started my blog. With so many young bloggers and vloggers out there, competition is fierce especially in the fashion and beauty sector. If blogging was around in my younger years when I was slimmer, less saggy, more perky and definitely more beautiful, beauty and fashion blogging would surely have taken priority over travel and food, of that, I’m sure.

I was 20 here, I enjoyed my teens without the glare of social media impacting on my mental health.
However, when I was a teenager in the late 80’s, we didn’t even have mobiles and computers let alone the internet and social media. It sounds so alien doesn’t it, no mobiles and no internet, I can’t even imagine how we coped but we did, how you do you miss what you haven’t got? We’ve come such a long way in such a short space of time but one thing I’m grateful for is that we had a life, we had fun away from the glare of social media. By that I mean, a proper life without the pressure of constantly posting about where we’d been and what we’d done and more importantly what we looked like; we had privacy and that’s so important.
Bullying stayed at school full stop, now there’s a new epidemic that youngsters are facing – cyber bullying. Cyber bullying is a real threat to our children. Bullies appear to think that it’s ok to pick on other kids because they’re free to do so as it’s so much easier because the person isn’t in front of them as it was when I was at school. No one can see them and it can be done in secret; suddenly they feel more courageous to unleash their hate. It can appear in many guises, and ever so innocent at first, drawing the victim in, mild manipulation can often be very sinister; words like gaslighting come to mind and coercive behaviour, a pattern all too familiar. This can often lead to suicide, the victim is constantly threatened and bullied until the only way out is to escape in the most horrific way, to take their own life.
Cyber bullying doesn’t just happen to kids, it happens to everyone even adults, we usually use the word trolling when someone constantly spews their hate and vitriol on to someone else, deliberately baiting and provoking. However, the police are coming down hard on this vicious behaviour, it is now seen as a crime. Phones and messages can be traced and hard drives can be forensically examined revealing the identities of the trolls and bullies.
I know how horrible and pressured it is being a young girl at the best of times but nowadays, it’s so much harder. The pressures are constant, it’s in your face 24/7 and it’s fierce. The posts and vlogs on Instagram are relentless, I know as I have a daughter who’s just out of her teens, she’s 20 now. When I was a teen, I had the freedom to live my life as I pleased, no one knew a thing unless I chose to tell them. It’s just as hard to be an adult these days with the pressure of social media, we feel we have to live the perfect life, can you imagine how our young people must feel? The need to “have it all” is there, every second of every day. It’s intrusive, bitchy, fake and to be honest, most of the time, it’s all about show. Who’s got bigger and better, who’s got the latest designer gear, endless faraway exotic holidays, expensive restaurants and nights out.

Photo credit, Flickr
In all honesty, most of the time, it’s all a lie because deep inside, I’m sure these girls (and boys too) must be deeply depressed and insecure, so often, something is missing in their life and social media is filling that void. But there are pluses to be had, with the birth of the internet, has come a whole new world and endless opportunities. At home, we got our first dial-up internet in 2001. Looking back, I can’t even comprehend how we managed with the mega slow service never mind the distress of trying to cope when the internet went down which was a regular thing, it literally felt like the end of the world! It took ages to load a page and I still remember that funny noise it made as it was connecting, we can laugh about it now but for me, the internet was and is a godsend especially for grocery shopping when I didn’t want to trudge about with 4 unruly kids.
We’ve been able to research things at home without the need to go to the library however, I am nostalgic for the days I used to visit the library to make notes and read up on things for school. Nowadays, the library comes equipped with computers so students and people can do their work in a quiet space. We’re able to look at and book holidays on-line, read about a hotel or restaurant, read reviews if we’re looking for workmen or if we want to buy something and there’s that wonderful world of on-line shopping. It’s definitely been a game changer and so welcome but as a parent, being clued up on what kids are up to is so important. With cyber bullying comes the seedy side of the internet where children are in danger of being groomed, so their safety is paramount. If you’re unsure about internet safety and security, schools are a great place to get help. They often run special classes and parents’ meetings about internet safety and the police can offer really good advice too.
With blogging and vlogging comes the opportunity to work with some fantastic brands, some girls have made it big such Lydia Elise Millen as ambassadors for popular brands, but this isn’t the norm; it’s so much harder to grow an organic following these days. Of course, many young girls hope that they’ll get noticed but in doing so, their careers and studies often take a back seat. This can happen with impressionable boy’s keen to be the next gaming sensation, health and fitness guru like Joe Wicks Body Coach or maybe the next musical star. Quick bucks is the aim and ultimate goal and it’s really worrying with the onset of sites like Only Fans; I can imagine how tempting it must be. Once registered with Only Fans, you post pictures of yourself, often quite degrading pictures to satisfy the fetishes of potential predators and other vile individuals, it’s a site that can attract pervets for obvious reasons but the reward is often huge amounts of money. Having said that, I am not one for crushing the dreams and ambitions of young people because many have carved successful careers off the back of social media and YouTube whether it’s gaming, travel, cooking and other often obscure hobbies like camping! People even set up YouTube accounts in order to document their life; they obviously lead much more interesting lives than I do, it’s a type of voyeurism isn’t it. On a serious note, singers, musicians, budding film makers, cooks etc…have been discovered via YouTube, we’ve heard of those dream- come-true stories, some examples which spring to mind are The Weekend, Justin Bieber, Ed Sheeran and Shawn Mendes. YouTube also provides a wealth of information such as tech guidance.
You can still do pretty well on social media as a blogger/vlogger and be lucky enough to work with well known brands whether it’s paid collaborations or travel to some fantastic places and restaurants in exchange for a published review or social media posting. However, blogging is hard work. behind the scenes stuff that people don’t think of like editing and uploading photo’s, SEO, analytics, researching key words for optimisation and monitoring your website’s traffic plus pitching to companies and brands. In order to monetise a blog, there has to be regular interaction with your followers whether it’s a daily social media post or reel and you have to keep publishing content on your blog/website, articles that are interesting and informative in order to grow and have those opportunities come your way. As an older blogger, I understand this, but my younger counterparts want it all now and this can inevitably lead to feelings of rejection, not being good enough, worthlessness even isolation. Subsequently, younger influencers can often suffer anxiety and depression as feelings of negativity, of not being good enough can develop and take hold. They will keep these feelings to themselves more often than not, perhaps feeling ashamed because opening up to talk can make us vulnerable, it can be an uncomfortable prospect. Depression and anxiety can so easily turn to substance abuse as a way of coping or self-medicating whether it’s with alcohol or drugs.
The process of becoming a high profile influencer can be an expensive project as you buy the latest fashion to model on your feed and stories or if you’re a food and travel blogger, forking out money to eat out or travel somewhere in order to have material to write about is a reality unless you’re fortunate enough to eat out regularly. I know because I’ve been there and I know how hard it is. This is where I feel the pressure and stress the most. I used to look at other bloggers and I really wondered how they funded their regular dinners and holidays, their homes, glamorous and huge, but these are the lucky few that have the capability to fund this lifestyle. You really have to grow a thick skin to ride above this and just take it for what it is. On the other hand, I’ve learnt in my short time as a blogger that “in the blogging world” quite a few bloggers do have money which is why and how they started a blog in the first place. They’re able to invest in their blogs, they’re the lucky few…..blogging can be an expensive job!
There are others who are completely passionate about writing and what they’re writing about, they might assume that social media doesn’t really play a part for them but even if you’re a business with a website, social media is an essential form of advertising so it’s hugely important. If you’re a cookery blogger sharing recipes, social media is crucial to your success and growth so its easy to see that social media plays a very important part in all our lives.
Another really important thing to remember is that age will inevitably catch up with you, as a young blogger and vlogger, you’re young for such a short space of time, there will be another pretty face hot on your heels and what then? Will you sacrifice a family life? How far are you prepared to go because let’s face it, having a family isn’t always conducive to a bloggers life unless you change tact and transition to perhaps a “mummy blogger” which is really popular now. The only possible downside to that is sharing your baby with the world and everyone on social media, putting your family in the spotlight. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, there are lots of very successful mummy bloggers out there who’ve made the change from fashion or lifestyle blogging or blending the two. Perhaps on the other hand, you’ve grown up in a family where social media is part of life which is fast becoming very normal as the generations grow and change, you’ll think nothing of these pressures because it’s such a part of everyday life but isn’t it funny how all of a sudden depression and anxiety in our youngsters is on the rise? Mental health is surely suffering as they try to keep up this lavish lifestyle and latest trends. With programmes like Love Island where fabulous bodies, up-to-the-minute fashion and beachside locations are in your face 24/7, where stars are made overnight, think Davide and Ekin-Su who I admit, I adore by the way, the pressure to conform and to be recognised must be intense.
I can see how social media has affected my daughter even though she doesn’t have Facebook and Twitter, she does have Instagram, Snapchat and Tik-Tok. But now, she’s 2o, she’s realised how much time she’s wasted scrolling through pointless reels on Tik-Tok and has now deleted this pointless social media platform and I can’t remember the last time Snapchat was mentioned! She communicated with friends this way as well as watch videos mainly of food and holidays. Nevertheless, photos of pretty girls in gorgeous clothes with clear skin in exotic locations are everywhere. What do you do when you’re an average teen from a normal family with a bit of acne, high street clothes living in a “normal” family home in the suburbs? Sadly, my daughter suffered with a bit of cyber bullying when she was at school. It was a combination of bitchy girls and lots of peer pressure. I was disappointed that she never came to me earlier than she did and although I felt her unhappiness, I thought it was a phase she’d grow out of. When she started year 11, she opened up to me and told me all about the pressures she was under. I struggled with it for a while, I tried my best as she was growing up to protect her against this sort of thing and as a parent, it’s your duty to protect your children right?
However, I really believe it’s much harder for girls and it was all new to me because my three boys never experienced anything like this before. My boys went through high school relatively unscathed, just a bit of banter with friends. My middle boy giving me a bit more stress than I’d have liked at the time; the older boy reacting to a bit of provocation in a physical way but nothing serious, he was otherise, a model student; my youngest boy who had mild learning difficulties unbelievably had the best time, so no issues at all. However, with my daughter, I could see early on that she wasn’t entirely happy at high school. Her very best friend had to go to a different high school because of the admissions criteria where we live, she was just outside the boundary, this had a big impact on my daughter. She found it difficult to make decent friends drifting from one group of girls to another. To cut a long story short, I could see the anxiety building up especially at the beginning of year 11. I knew then that I had to leave my job to be around for her, to support her….my daughter needed me and there wasn’t any question that I would resign my job to support her. It was the best thing I did and I didn’t regret it for a second. Thankfully, we got through it, she got her grades and did really well at college and now she’s resuming her digital marketing apprenticeship. As for me, although I am looking for part time work again, my real aim is to fully monetise my blog which is my passion.

My beautiful daughter Zoe on her Prom Night.
4 Comments
This is so insightful Helen. Your daughter looked absolutely stunning on her prom night so I am saddened to hear of what happened, but know she is blessed to have you for support. I too am pleased to have grown-up in a generation before social media and I am mindful of guiding my kids through it with hopefully a healthy & positive experience but like you said, encouraging an open dialogue for when things are challenging. Thank you for sharing Helen x
Thank you so much Alex. She looked gorgeous, she lacks confidence as she has a bit of acne which we’re trying to address via GP. She’s a bit shy too but I’m hoping if she finds a part time job, she’ll get over that. She’s so happy she doesn’t have to stay on a sixth-form,I happy with her decision to go to college, I think it will be the making of her. I’ve tried my best with all of mine and that’s all you can do. I appreciate social media for what it is and use it for my benefit, talking is the best therapy and engaging with our children. I’m happy you enjoyed the post, thanks again. xx
An excellent read Helen. I can relate to so much of it. Thank you.
Jim McDonaId
Thank you Jim. I fear it is only going to get worse, I hope I’m wrong.